Well, it's that time again, it's time for another post! I have just opened my new show, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes at The E Project, and it is so much fun! It is my first leading role in a play and I can't tell you how excited I am about it! It is definitely a different experience for me. In the last few shows I did, I was on stage for a few minutes at a time, but I spent a lot of time backstage waiting for my brief moments in the sun. Now I don't have a spare moment to catch my breath! Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining in the least bit. I love it! I am on stage pretty much the entire show, with only a few spare moments to go backstage and change costumes or get a sip of water. This is what I have been working towards and what I have been waiting for. I am the STAR of the show! I am not being vain or anything here, I really am the star of the show- I am the blonde in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes! I couldn't be prouder of myself! Now I am living up to my own expectations for myself.

My biggest fear is that someone will give me a great opportunity and I won't live up to their expectations or I'll let them down. The dreaded fear of failure! I know I'm being crazy and that all this fear is born of low self-esteem - I really just need to get over this. But sometimes I can't help it- even when given the leading role in a play, I still think I suck.

When I'm up there on stage I feel so good, so perfect, and I am not myself. I really do become this other person, because the real me would not be this confident. When I finish for the night I go back stage and I start to wind down, and then I start to pick myself apart. I said this line wrong, I did this wrong. I can't help it, it's a real problem. And I don't think I'm the only one. I think this is a real problem among most actors. Low self-esteem. Perhaps that's why we become actors, because we crave the adoration and acceptance of other people. Many, I won't say all, but many fellow actors I have worked with tear themselves apart after shows, and I feel have low-self esteem. I'm sure there are those actors who just never second guess any performance and are always big-headed about their talent, their looks, whatever, but I haven't really met any of those kind of people. Perhaps the first group outnumbers the second.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all as a community need to get over ourselves and our fears, and realize that we are loved and accepted. If we weren't good actors we wouldn't have been cast. And if we do suck, it's too bad for the director, because they already cast us!

Ah, well, back to the point. I am so excited to be on stage and I can't wait for every performance! I love that thrill, that excitement, that exhilaration! And I can't wait every night to pass that feeling onto each member of the audience. Yes, this definitely is the business for me.