"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

I just watched the show Glee on FOX (which I am in love with by the way) and they sang the song "Imagine" by John Lennon, and I just started crying. "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." So true.

I AM a dreamer, but I know for sure I am not alone. I know there are more dreamers out there. The only sad part is, most of those people don't act on their dreams. A dream is nothing if you don't take the steps to attain it once you wake up. There are a lot of talented people out there. Great musicians, actors, artists, writers, whatever. But they think they can't follow their dreams of doing those things because there are too many musicians out there already, struggling for the same thing. But to those people I say, who gives a damn? Those people have dreams, but so do you. The only difference is that they're doing something about it. You have to try too. Who says that you can't have the same dream, or that you won't be successful too just because someone had your dream first?

I have dreams of winning an Academy Award, of having a successful, long-lasting career, and I know for sure I'm not the first person to have this dream. But does that change my desire to go for it? Does that make me want it any less? Not one bit. Not for a second. In fact, it makes me want it more.

You see, the thing about wishing on a star is that, there are a lot of stars in the sky. Everyone can wish on a star, and I'm sure there are enough stars for everyone to have their own. There are plenty of stars to go around, people! Don't give up being a dreamer, wish on that star!

Modeling

I have another big First that I forgot to mention- I have my first modeling go-see tomorrow morning and I am so excited! I seem to use that word a lot, "exciting," but a lot of exciting things have been happening to me lately! The modeling go-see is like any other audition I suppose, but they will just judge me more on my looks...obviously. I don't want to give too much away, seeing as it's just an audition and there is no guarantee that I will even get the job, but if I did get it, I would be modeling clothes in a sewing magazine. I think the possibility of having my picture in ANY magazine is pretty darn cool; it doesn't matter to me in the least that only a bunch of old ladies would see it. Actually, no, not just old ladies, because I'm sure there are other people who read sewing magazines. My boyfriend's mom will probably see it because she sews a lot, so that is pretty fun to think about!

I always hoped that I could start modeling. Acting is my first love, but I always kinda wanted to be a model too. Not a runway model or anything, I am not skinny enough for that, but maybe just a catalog model. I think it would be so much fun to wear all the pretty clothes in catalogs. And it would feel nice to have people tell me that I'm pretty. I need some reassurance sometimes! What I really want is to be in a magazine like Vogue and have Annie Leibovitz photograph me. Wouldn't that be a dream come true!?! That woman could make dirt look good! Her photographs are so so SO beautiful! WELL, that is another dream that I have...and wouldn't it be fun if it all started with my picture in a sewing magazine?!

Well, off to bed...time to dream about my 7 page spread in Vogue... :)

My First Starring Role!

Well, it's that time again, it's time for another post! I have just opened my new show, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes at The E Project, and it is so much fun! You should all come and see it! For directions and ticket information go to www.theeproject.org. That is why I haven't posted in a while, I have been so busy rehearsing for this show, but now it is finally open! We just had our opening weekend of performances and it will play until May 22nd.

It is my first leading role in a play and I can't tell you how excited I am about it! It is definitely a different experience for me. In the last few shows I have done, I was on stage for only a few minutes at a time, and I spent a lot of time backstage waiting for my brief moments in the sun. Now I don't have a spare second to catch my breath! Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining in the least bit. I love it! I am on stage pretty much the entire show, with only a few chances to go backstage and change costumes or get a sip of water. This is what I have been working towards and what I have been waiting for. I am the STAR of the show! And I am not being vain when I say that, I really am the star of the show- I am the blond in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes! I couldn't be prouder of myself! Now I just hope I am living up to my own expectations!

That is the real scary part about having the lead role in a play. You work so hard for it, and finally when someone gives you that opportunity, you just pray to God that you don't let them down. I really want to live up to the director's expectations and just put on a great show. I am proud of myself, but I want everyone to be proud of me. I know it sounds stupid, but I want everyone to love me! I am such a little kid in that respect. Like when you put on a play in the second grade and you sing a solo of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and you just want everyone to love you and think that you are wonderful. Is that so wrong?!?

Okay, maybe I am a bit of a headcase, it's just a play after all, but I do love doing it, and I really hope that everyone enjoys watching it. It is a really great play with a really unique concept. Since the script of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is a little thin and we weren't allowed to do any adaptations or alterations of our own, we decided to just put a unique spin on the play. So here it is: we are a traveling all-female troupe of Vaudevillian performers and we just happened to stop at this particular theatre to put on a show. Our cast of six women play 22 different characters, young and old, including men, and the lightning quick costume changes and occasional mishaps are hysterical! The play itself is kind of ridiculous and silly, so our take on it fits perfectly with the script. It really is a fun show and I hope many people come to see it! After all, what good is being the star of a show if no one comes to see it?

Well, it's that time again, it's time for another post! I have just opened my new show, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes at The E Project, and it is so much fun! It is my first leading role in a play and I can't tell you how excited I am about it! It is definitely a different experience for me. In the last few shows I did, I was on stage for a few minutes at a time, but I spent a lot of time backstage waiting for my brief moments in the sun. Now I don't have a spare moment to catch my breath! Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining in the least bit. I love it! I am on stage pretty much the entire show, with only a few spare moments to go backstage and change costumes or get a sip of water. This is what I have been working towards and what I have been waiting for. I am the STAR of the show! I am not being vain or anything here, I really am the star of the show- I am the blonde in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes! I couldn't be prouder of myself! Now I am living up to my own expectations for myself.

My biggest fear is that someone will give me a great opportunity and I won't live up to their expectations or I'll let them down. The dreaded fear of failure! I know I'm being crazy and that all this fear is born of low self-esteem - I really just need to get over this. But sometimes I can't help it- even when given the leading role in a play, I still think I suck.

When I'm up there on stage I feel so good, so perfect, and I am not myself. I really do become this other person, because the real me would not be this confident. When I finish for the night I go back stage and I start to wind down, and then I start to pick myself apart. I said this line wrong, I did this wrong. I can't help it, it's a real problem. And I don't think I'm the only one. I think this is a real problem among most actors. Low self-esteem. Perhaps that's why we become actors, because we crave the adoration and acceptance of other people. Many, I won't say all, but many fellow actors I have worked with tear themselves apart after shows, and I feel have low-self esteem. I'm sure there are those actors who just never second guess any performance and are always big-headed about their talent, their looks, whatever, but I haven't really met any of those kind of people. Perhaps the first group outnumbers the second.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all as a community need to get over ourselves and our fears, and realize that we are loved and accepted. If we weren't good actors we wouldn't have been cast. And if we do suck, it's too bad for the director, because they already cast us!

Ah, well, back to the point. I am so excited to be on stage and I can't wait for every performance! I love that thrill, that excitement, that exhilaration! And I can't wait every night to pass that feeling onto each member of the audience. Yes, this definitely is the business for me.